It’s been a while since I’ve updated my life on here. Let alone write anything on tumblr. I used this platform to relieve stress and express my feelings.
Update:
It’s 2020, I’m 26, I moved to New York December 2018. I currently lived there, but also currently at home with my parents during this pandemic.
Realizations;
While being home with my parents, I’ve noticed how much I have grown. I also realized how much I love New York and how amazing 2019 was for me. Regardless of a bad break up and being introduced to Santeria for a couple of seconds… it was a great mother fucking year.
Time stamp;
I moved to New York when I was 24. I spent my 25th birthday in New York. I spent two Christmas’s and New Year’s Eve in New York.
What I learned;
While living in NYC, I learned to be on my own. I learned what I liked and what I didn’t like about myself. I learned to take the subway and lost myself a couple of times haha. I learned make new friends and also what I wanted in a relationship and what I didn’t. I learned that I love my career and that I am very passionate about it. I grew a lot the last couple of years in my career. I am grateful for the opportunities that have been presented in my life. I learned to be myself and I’ve created a wonderful person. I learned that you do anything that you put your mind to. I learned to appreciate my alone time. I learned how to be disciplined and self motivated. I am a full time student and a full time executive pastry chef in NYC. I learned who I was and who I want to be.
Other important things;
I really love New York though it sometimes feels lonely. But I love the people and the food. I’ve had crazy adventures with my friends. I’ve met crazy people with whom I’ve created many great memories. I’ve explored nyc by myself which I find astonishing. I wasn’t afraid to walk around and get lost by myself. ( okay fine, low key was scared but I just went with it)
Crazy;
I’m moving back to Philadelphia where home is. Due to finishing college with my associates degree in the healthcare field. I am applying for west Chester university. Or possibly applying for a college in New York. As I said, I want to move back. If I can find a way to work and go to college in New York. I’ll most likely will be taking that opportunity.
Moral of the story…
Get out of your comfort zone!
Take risks!
Don’t be afraid to go after what you want or what makes you happy.
Take a leap of faith.
Be a kind person and the doors will just open for you
But you also have to put the work in because nothing will be handed to you.
Don’t be afraid to be by yourself.
Don’t be scared to be alone.
Alone time is where you will find out more about yourself or create the person you want to be.
I explored nyc and spent 9 months talking to this guy everyday
To have everything turn upside down from 0-100 real quick
How do you let go of someone you loved that doesn’t seem to care at all….
I know I did the right thing, I know I saved myself from being a victim of an abusive relationship… I know
But it still hurts …. a lot
A lot more seeing he doesn’t show a sign of emotion like he did when we were together…
A lot more seeing how he has changed
A lot more when i thought I finally found someone who I can be completely myself with
Now all I want to do is leave nyc … I can’t stand being here …
I’m just sad all the time
I’m being so over dramatic but I have the right to be sad and sad and sad
This was literally the highlight of my dating life …. all because of dating someone who does Santeria … 9 months in and he never told me … all this time and he claims it was his first time …. all this time and he probably knew …all this time and I was probably lied to … all this time things are starting to add up
Sometimes we need this little reminder to STOP making excuses, start taking action and begin to take control over our own lives. (Excuse the profanities but I do enjoy a good F Bomb to prove a point)!!
I’m a true believer in this and always have been. When you complain and blame others for what is happening in your life, you are giving others the right to control you.
It is YOU that has made every decision, every action in your life that has ultimately gotten you to where you are right now, no matter if you feel like it’s another person’s fault or not. You have made the choice to allow them into your life in the first place.
It is much easier to blame someone else then to take responsibility for your own actions.
Have a good look at your life, where you are, at what is blocking you and start making the mental shift to take onus on everything you do, say, feel and create. When you start making this shift your life and perspective will change for the better.
i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second
anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk
and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something
paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.
i say, paul.
is that a nerf gun.
yeah, says paul.
i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.
he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?
and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–
a foam dart hits me in the leg.
i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.
i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.
no dart this time. okay. sweet.
so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it
anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.
.
You are the creator of your own life.
Making small changes today will lead you into a life that is “by design”.
.
.
So don’t wait for changes to happen to you, make them happen by planning and working towards something that is greater and more fulfilling rather than wasting life on mindless activities that aren’t getting you anywhere.
.
.
You need to do the work to get you to where you want to be in your life though.-
.
✔️Visualise your dream.-
✔️Journal your ideas.-
✔️Write out the plan to get there.-
✔️Put in the work every day no matter what.-
✔️Review regularly to ensure you’re staying on track.-
✔️Change your route if you feel the need.-
✔️If it’s done put it out there. Don’t wait until it’s perfect.-
.
.
.
Remember to have fun in the process though!!
.
.
Double tap if you needed to hear this today! 👇🏻👇🏻
I’m stepping out of my comfort zone as I always do. You can’t succeed if you don’t fail. You will never know if something is right for you if you don’t ever try. You can’t wait around for things to happen, you have to make them happen. Own your life don’t let it own you.
